Moonlit Shadows

The past few months have been the most turbulent months in nearly 3 years. Thinking back, it seems fair that I was affected by it and still am reeling from the impacts of the same. It took me many iterations to get this one sentence right: I feel that I have lived all my life with an undercurrent of sadness  which I masked to blend in and seem normal. I mean, during times of crisis I don't fake it till I make it and I do honestly talk about my pain but I feel that there is much more to it than I talk about (even when I talk about it a lot). I am much better now and I feel much more in touch with myself, which has made me realise that I cherish pain. It is a weird feeling but I do, I hide the sadness and protect it to make sure I am able to experience it when I want to. I never saw this side of myself as I was always to busy 'doing'. That's most of my life, doing this or that - I never stop to feel and absorb, until something breaks and when it does, then I keep