Moonlit Shadows

This is a phase in which I just keep rampling some stuff and vomit it on relevant outlets. This is one such puke full of feelings. Being yourself is tough, you spend a lifetime trying to understand and sometimes make yourself better than who you were yesterday. I spent a lot of time on this specific question over the last few months and am still pretty clueless. I like the social brouhaha around me, it kinda distracts me from the other things but also makes me think.. maybe I do really like it... Coming back to why I am writing this: Death. We generally have a very singular view of death which is associated with someone ceasing to exist. I wanted t write passing onto another realm but I don't truly believe in death as a comma but treat it more as a full stop. A full stop after which there might be a blank piece of paper but no words but just meaningless canvas which radiates the feeling of 'what could have been'. Anyway, I have been very lucky have faced any deat...

Times when everything just keeeeps moving south, without any sense of stopping or even taking short breaks of happiness in between. That's kinda where my life lies right now. I am slowly realizing that what I thought was the definition of hard  is may not be enough to spell out the word correctly. These are the moments when your outlook towards your life becomes really biased. You either stop looking at all the good things that have ever happened to you and keep spiraling into the sulk cycle , which directly leads you to the conclusion that you were the : NOT SO CHOSEN ONE or you keep looking at the past and keep wishing to go back to it. In this case, you over glorify your past and end up with the conclusion that maybe you have made all wrong decisions in your life, all of which have led you to this doom. Well, I do these things alternatively and end up pretty messed up in both the scenarios. This state mostly makes me feel like a fish on a plate, with some water till the pl...

I don't know if it has always been there or not but right now it is kind of getting hard to deal with. I don't know how severe this gets but right now, I am feeling it and it doesn't feel good. It just makes you feel so vulnerable, your body temperature starts rising and you start sweating in an air conditioned room. You feel that going out will be the solution but maybe it isn't, you don't even know if you can walk till there or not, all you know is that this isn't right. I use writing as a source of peace, it helps me let out whatever I have inside my system. Good, bad & ugly, all out right in front of me as I type and feel my heartbeat becoming slower. I always have wondered why does this happen? I have worked in tense situations, so why now? The answer to this could be drawn using a parallel. We all have seen movies, where soldiers come back home from tense regions and can't adjust back to the normal surroundings. You see, after you've ...

Us humans, we make connections and that's apparently what makes us human. We connect not like Bluetooth or infrared but like a cobweb. Each point is connected to many other points and all of those are connected to many others, there is no end to these connections. But maybe our biggest problem is that we imagine too much. We, very conveniently listen to someone's rant (if we have the patience) and while the person is apparently "sharing" his feelings, we're halfway through the search of finding a similar situation in our lives to connect it with. It is worse when we actually think about those similar issues and discard the so-called friend's issues as "small problem, I've faced much more", at least in out heads at some point of time. That's the problem, how can you possibly do that? Your friend is a different person, different goals, aspirations, actions and reactions to occurrences in life. You can't just generalize it...

Through whatever I know of people and myself, I believe that there is no balance. This runs much deeper than the context that I am going to use it in right now, nut that's all for some other post. Looking at people, I've realized they're in either of the two states of emotions. They're either in their: Heightened state, where they end up giving importance to the most trivial things. This could be due to fact that everything you touch, you get attached to. This attachment in turn leads to expectations and these, if not fulfilled lead to mayhem in your head. You can obviously choose to turn this off, but would need to realise that you will maybe lose all of your emotional side with it. You see, anger is caused by pain, pain is related to loss, loss is felt the most when the "lost" was loved; all of these are essentially connected together, tied with a string of you heightened state. There's also a special condition here where all other emot...

Questions are for people to ask and reply to but are all questions answerable? Do we need to ask all the questions? We're always told "ask the right questions?" But what are these "right" questions, which will lead us to our eternal glory? Are they the stereotypical questions, who's answers you already know or are these the special ones? The ones no one knows the answers to? Yes, those are a lot of questions and question marks for one paragraph (that's why I switched) but I am still asking.

At times you want to stay away from people, get away from things you might get attached to. That's mainly because you've either been hurt by someone or.. Well, there's no other reason generally. I keep thinking about this all the time, how to deal with people exactly, is staying away the solution or is it pretending to stay close? Or what? It is a very hard question for me to answer because I love humans. I love talking to people, knowing them, understanding and maybe helping them at some point. I wouldn't say that I'm too generous or saintly, no. I do it because as I said, I love humans. I learn from everyone I can and then move on, it is simple.  This seems easy to say. You meet someone, talk, shake hands, discuss a few ideas and after that you don't know where you are and where they will be. But no, this is a cycle. You talk to someone, you see the good or the bad in them, and decide what you have to do( I believe that all humans are inherently good, so...